How Are We Doing?

Many of you have been very sweet to follow up with us, ask how we are doing, offer to bring food and help and we are so appreciative. (Sadly, one of our kids has severe food allergies, so I've declined most of the food offers...we're just too difficult to cook for...but we do appreciate every one's willingness to serve.)

The rosy "we have a new baby" answer is that everything is going pretty well...exactly as expected at this point. Baby Caleb is adjusting quite nicely. He is happy and developmentally on track. We are finally getting over the terrible jet lag that left us feeling completely incapacitated. The kids are doing well and for the most part, they love having a little brother.

And all of the above is true. But the real answer is that it is also very difficult. Caleb is 10 months old, but he feels very much like a newborn. Because he was in an orphanage and had many different caregivers, it is imperative that he learns what parents are and that he properly attaches/bonds to us. Otherwise, there could be a number of difficult issues down the road because he won't be able to emotionally connect. So, to help this bonding process, only Patrick and I will be doing the care-giving for Caleb...for an indefinite amount of time. No childcare, no baby-sitters. We do all of the feeding, changing, comforting, etc. We've let the grandmas hold him, but we're really not even allowing anyone else that opportunity for a while. Obviously I'm not nursing, but it feels very similar to that since he is basically tethered to me. Caleb wasn't on any solids yet, so we are gradually introducing those....but at this point, he prefers a bottle. He isn't sleeping well during naps or at night, so we are trying to establish those patterns while still allowing the grace he needs because he is so fearful. The big kids are adjusting pretty well, although our former baby is having a bit of a difficult time finding her new place. We are extremely tired and have had many moments wondering how we are going to weave this fourth child into an already crazy schedule. We had grown quite mobile as a family...and now we're toting an infant again. It has been a difficult week...and I've had help! I am terrified of "doing life" with four kids by myself and I have so much doubt about being up to the task.

There is such a "rosy glow" painted of life after a new baby comes home...whether biological or through adoption...and it is a very a special time. Looking back, it feels as though that time passed so quickly...but when in the middle of the sleepless nights and endless feedings and diapers, time appears to stand still. :) It is also a season of great doubt, fatigue...and looking back...great adjustment and change. It is not easy to lay down my selfishness, my impatience, my lack of faith so that I can love and serve another person...no matter how cute that little person is.

We are joyful and thankful...and we are also tired and afraid. My heart is bursting with happiness...and it breaks when I consider the task ahead of me. This is life. Growth isn't easy. Our prayer is that God continues to meet us in this journey because we certainly cannot do it on our own strength.