Free Falling off the Cliff of My Worst Nightmare...

Three weeks ago we were in Disneyword. Happiness everywhere.

Last weekend was full of sports and family fun.

We were gearing up for another adoption...getting ready to pursue a daughter from China.

Our minds were beginning to anticipate summer, a slower pace, time at the pool, fun trips.

But on Thursday, March 15, 2012...

I became the mother of a child with cancer.

God? Oh Father in Heaven? Are you there...is this really where you are calling us? Please God, no, please...no. I can't. I am not strong enough. It has been a week spent in the pit of Hell. No sign it was coming. No warning to prepare us for the utter explosion of grief that would rip our souls to shreds.

Our ten year old daughter, Bailey, had been complaining about a mild knee injury for about 4-6 weeks. She is extremely active, so we had taken the "wait and see" approach. But by last Sunday, March 11, the pain had gotten bad enough that we decided it was time for an x-ray. The doctor said there was something there and we should have it looked at, but gave us no cause for alarm or possible suggestions as to what could be going on. On Monday morning, I awoke to a frantic call from our pediatrician. She wanted us to have this looked at immediately. On Tuesday, Bailey had an MRI. These results were not good either. Oh...when would this bad news end? It was as if we were spiraling into a black hole...having a nightmare and unable to wake up. On Thursday, she had a biopsy of the problem area...her right leg, just above the knee. By this point, our pediatrician had given us some warning of what was coming. We were so thankful for her because at least it had given us a bit of extra time to process the tragedy that was occurring before our eyes. On Thursday afternoon, the doctor came in with the devastating news...the tumor was malignant...it had been less than five days since we had the first x-ray looking for a sports injury.

This has all happened so quickly, that we are struggling to keep up. One week ago all was good, and now, life will never be the same. We feel completely broken...souls raw and bleeding. God is good. God is good. God is good. I know this in my head...but where is the peace. Why can't I feel it? All that I feel is desperate, unending pain. Despair.

We spent Friday having a CT scan...and praise God...her lungs were clear. We also met with the oncologist, who, relatively speaking, gave us a ray of hope that we are clinging too. We have been told what type of cancer they believe it is, but we need to wait until the pathology reports come back next week to be certain. I am in the process of setting up a website for specifics, so if you are friends or family, e-mail me and I will tell you where to find that.

More info to come...but for now, please pray without ceasing...that the pathology report comes back as early stage with no surprises and that it has not spread...and please pray for the full and complete healing of our little girl.